i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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