i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
