atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
