A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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