Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
