The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
