doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
