I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm both gender and math confused
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
