I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
