my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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