We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
