remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
