When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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