it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
