Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
