I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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