I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
