Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
