Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
