I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
