OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
