mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
