She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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