Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
