Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
