Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
