Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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