Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
