have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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