Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
40s are totally the cure
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
