I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
