i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
