my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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