I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
