Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
