A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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