Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
