You really coming over, don't trick.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
