Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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