all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We got so high we made milksteak
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
