ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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