I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
