I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
