Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
