Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
