If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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