Why are handjobs necessary in class?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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