adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
