im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
