would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
