i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
