ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
