put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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