just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
