Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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