I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
