you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
