She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
