you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
They took my balls.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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