We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
