You're my little dorito
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
