i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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