Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
